Why Don’t Psychologists Just Simply Tell Clients What to Do?

Have you ever wondered why your psychologist doesn't just give you a straightforward list of what to do to feel better? It's a question I hear often, and honestly, it's one I'd probably ask myself if I weren't in this field. Today, I want to explore this from a psychological perspective and explain why the therapeutic process might feel more roundabout than you'd expect.

The Directive Approach: Why It Often Falls Short

Early in my career, I took a much more structured, directive approach. If someone came in wanting to make friends, I'd dive straight into practical solutions. We'd discuss hobbies that matched their interests, review research on friendship formation timelines, and troubleshoot conversation skills. I'd prepare detailed attention strategies and send them off with a clear action plan.

The problem? Most people simply wouldn't follow through.

The Complexity Behind Simple Requests

What I've learnt is that people are complicated and deeply ambivalent. When someone presents with what appears to be a straightforward issue like "I want to make friends," there are often layers beneath the surface:

- Past trauma may be creating barriers - perhaps experiences of being left out or bullied that make connection feel unsafe
- Motivation conflicts - they might not actually want new friends, or feel deeply ambivalent about the prospect about the time and effort required
- Fear and anxiety that need addressing before any practical steps can feel manageable

Why Client-Generated Solutions Work Better

When I was too forthright with what I thought someone's goals should be, I was essentially bypassing their internal process. For lasting change to occur, clients need to arrive at goals that feel meaningful and achievable to them. They also need to feel motivated; it's about recognising that sustainable change comes from within.

Finding the Right Balance

You're absolutely allowed to tell your psychologist that you'd prefer more directive sessions. I have clients who've made exactly this request, and that's perfectly fine. Some people genuinely benefit from more structured, concrete approaches.

Others, however, find directive approaches reminiscent of uncomfortable teacher-student dynamics. The key is finding what works for you.

The Bottom Line

The reason psychologists often take what seems like a longer route isn't to be deliberately obtuse or to extend the therapeutic process unnecessarily. It's because we've learnt that clients tend to respond better when they're active participants in discovering their own solutions, rather than passive recipients of expert advice.

Rebecca Anderson is a Clinical Psychologist based in Sydney, Australia for Navigate Psychology

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