True emotional regulation doesn't eliminate emotions and mean you’re happy and content constantly.

Let’s say your partner says ‘I hate my work! I just had the worst day’. Content-focused responses address the surface issue. That would look like problem solving e.g. suggesting they speak to their boss or highlighting job benefits.

Emotion-focused responses acknowledge the underlying experience. That would look like ‘It sounds like work is really overwhelming you at the moment’.

If you were told “you’re too sensitive’ or ‘that didn’t happen’ you may have started questioning your own perception. Believing your parent was right, even when it didn’t feel true, was a way to maintain the relationship, to feel secure. You made the best choice available at the time.

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I instead define motivation is knowing your ‘why’. Most people don’t enjoy studying for years on end, or every exercise sessions, or visiting the dentist for a procedure. Yet we do this, because our ‘why’ is strong. You may know your health is important or want a stable career.

If you’re surrounded by people who subscribe to a particular set of beliefs about how you should think, feeling and behave, it can be very hard to even know what your authentic self is. This sets of beliefs imposed on you may be shaped by culture, religion, age, education systems and gender beliefs.

Underneath a lot of inner criticism and anxiety disorders is often an underlying lack of trust in yourself, your decision making and your ability to cope if things go wrong. Trust your ability to cope when things go wrong. This is something that gets easier the more you go through in life. Of course, we all hope we will go through as minimal hardship as possible in life, but no one avoids difficult situations completely. You have coped with so much in life, and will cope with whatever is thrown at you.

With most people staying in the workforce for around 45 years, it’s really normal (and understandable!) that you may reach a point where you are unsure what you want to do in your life. In fact, research shows people tend to go through 3-7 career changes over the lifespan! Keep a diary for two weeks. Write down sparks joy and what snuffs out your joy. Think about books, topics, events, people, jobs, conversations, times of day and activities.