How to rest and relax as a perfectionist
You have an endless to-do list, feel mild relief when you achieve a goal for a few minutes, and then reset the bar to a much higher goal. You try to rest but end up feeling guilty and finding it hard not to think about the endless chores that need to be done. Sound familiar? You’re not alone!
Here are four practical strategies to help you relax:
Think About Why You Want to Change
Is it impacting your relationships? It can be hard to be around people when it feels like nothing they do is good enough or when they need to reassure you. It may also be affecting your health and your values for life. Perfectionism is reinforced in society. It’s okay to have high goals for yourself, but they need to be sustainable and driven by joy and excitement, not shame.
What would it mean if you didn’t do things perfectly? Would something bad happen? Would you feel like a failure? Not good enough? No approval from others?
Insert Buffer Time
Perfectionists love efficiency. A simple way to start changing things is to give yourself more buffer time between activities. For example, if it takes you an hour to go on your run, give yourself 1 hour 15 minutes. If it takes 15 minutes to walk to the bus, give yourself 20 minutes. Slowing down how fast you move through the world can help to manage stress.
Find Joy
A lot of perfectionists struggle with spontaneity and play. This can be correlated with more addictions, as a quick way to ‘relax’ or switch off the brain. One of the helpful things is to think of activities you enjoyed as a child (e.g. climbing trees, running around in a group, arts, video games, getting lost in a good book) and find an adult version of that hobby. Note that joy is different from amusement. Joy makes you fall back in love with life itself; it feels warm, exciting, and you lose track of time. Amusement is something that feels nice but is short-lived (e.g. watching a TV show or going to an exercise class).
Do Things Less Well
I’m sure you’re reading this and wanting to click away! One of the hard things about perfectionism is knowing you have the capacity to give 100% and yet giving less. Thinking in a less all-or-nothing way is helpful. You might need to start by moving from 100% to 95%. For example, doing a little less prep for a meeting, using a store-bought sauce for your dinner instead of making it from scratch, or waiting a few more days to do the linen cleaning.
Navigating perfectionism can be difficult and daunting. If you would like support from a clinical psychologist based in Sydney CBD, Australia you can reach out for support here.
Rebecca Anderson is a Sydney-based clinical psychologist. She works with adults to help overcome challenges in their work, life and relationships using evidence-based therapies
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash