Inner Gaslighting? Trust Your Feelings
We don't discuss inner gaslighting enough.
Consider this scenario: your partner upsets you during dinner, and when you bring it up, they respond with "Oh my gosh, you're being so sensitive." Suddenly, you find yourself minimising your own feelings. You might think, "Am I being unreasonable? I am pretty sensitive. Perhaps I'm really anxious here and just being dramatic."
This internal dialogue creates doubt. You might seek others' opinions, feeling confused about your own emotions. You feel helpless or anxious without understanding why. This happens because you're overriding your gut instinct.
Here's a simple analogy: when you're cold, you put on a jumper. You don't overthink it or ask others, "Am I really cold? Should I get a second opinion before deciding this temperature requires extra clothing?" You simply trust your physical sensation and respond accordingly.
Applying This to Emotional Situations
Returning to the dinner example, trusting your feelings might sound like: "I understand you feel that way, but for me, it really upsets me when you dismiss my concerns in front of our friends."
When you trust your feelings, you create a pathway forward. You can continue addressing issues with your partner and observe their response. Perhaps they begin to understand the impact of their behaviour. However, if they consistently dismiss your concerns, your intuition provides valuable information about the relationship dynamic.
Emotional Intuition
Your feelings are constantly providing information. Just as you wouldn't question whether you're truly cold when you feel cold, you shouldn't automatically question whether your emotional responses are valid. Your emotional reactions are data points about your experience and deserve acknowledgement. There isn’t a right or wrong.
Learning to trust your emotional instincts, rather than immediately second-guessing them, is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Your feelings matter, regardless of whether others would react the same way in similar circumstances.
Rebecca Anderson is a Clinical Psychologist based in Sydney, Australia for Navigate Psychology