Understanding Defensiveness: A Psychological Perspective

Defensiveness is often viewed negatively in our society, yet it's a psychological response that develops for valid reasons. While people readily admit to being people-pleasers or perfectionists, acknowledging defensive tendencies remains more challenging due to social stigma.

Origins of Defensive Behaviour

Defensive patterns typically emerge through four primary pathways. Firstly, overly strict parenting where punishments were disproportionate to the ‘crime’ teach children to protect themselves through defensive responses. Secondly, parental modelling plays a crucial role. When parents consistently avoid responsibility for even minor issues, children unconsciously adopt similar communication patterns.

Thirdly, interpersonal trauma represents another significant pathway. Experiences of bullying, exclusion, or rejection can establish defensive mechanisms as protective strategies. These responses help individuals shield themselves from further emotional harm.

ADHD and Defensive Responses

Fourth is the connection between ADHD and defensiveness. Research indicates that by age ten, children with ADHD typically receive approximately 20,000 more critical messages than their neurotypical peers. This constant criticism creates an environment where defensive responses become essential for ego protection.

Adaptive Function and Current Relevance

Defensiveness serves an important adaptive function; it has historically been a helpful strategy for self-protection. However, defensive patterns that once provided necessary protection may become less beneficial in current life circumstances with different people.

Recognising defensiveness as an adaptive response rather than a character flaw allows for more self compassion, and greater change.

Rebecca Anderson is a clinical psychologist based in Sydney Australia for Navigate Psychology

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