Are you really a perfectionist?
Perfectionism is a term used colloquially in our society to refer to someone who likes to do a job well…someone who is organized and on top of things and maybe a bit highly strung.
This is not true perfectionism. Perfectionism refers to when your sense of self worth is heavily linked to what you achieve. If you achieve a goal, you often feel temporary relief and then just re-set the bar higher for the next goal. If you don’t achieve your goal, you feel like a failure. You may feel a lot of shame, and like you aren’t good enough or something bad will happen.
What perfectionism may look like in your life:
From the outside you may look high achieving and high functioning in your life, but still feeling like something is missing or that you are not enough
You struggle with anxiety, irritability and burnout
Have trouble with people pleasing and find it hard to say no to people or set healthy boundaries
You may have trouble falling asleep or waking up a lot in the night
Difficulty ‘switching off’ from work and having a proper break
You many procrastinate in some areas of life because you have a fear of failure if you try
Regulate your mood through different behaviours (e.g. emotional eating, substances, Netflix, gaming or shopping)
Feel like an imposter at work
The aim of treatment with people who experience perfectionism is not to stop them trying to achieve their goals, but to change the unhelpful and self-critical aspects of perfectionism. Having high standards is fine and being disappointed if you don’t achieve them is fine as well. However, judging yourself as faulty or less worthwhile as a person is not helpful. Not sleeping well, not taking time for self-care, fun or relationships is unsustainable and a recipe for burnout.
If this sounds like you, please reach out today. I really enjoy working with people to help them overcome perfectionism and to create a more fulfilling life.