Comparison Is The Thief of Joy
Comparison is such a normal part of being human. Our school system, our sports system (hello Olympics…) and even TV game shows and modeling competitions all promote the idea that winning is success, and that success is scarce. If person A wins then they have taken away an opportunity for you to succeed. There can only be one winner. This is an incredibly toxic (not to mention untrue) way to define our relationship with others.
Points to remember when you compare:
One: Just because someone else is successful does not lesson the chance you will be successful
Once you leave school, it doesn’t matter how successful your friend is – they could be insanely wealthy, have the best partner and family, have the best job and best holidays…and guess what? That takes NOTHING away from your ability to succeed in YOUR life.
Do you know why? Because success isn’t scarce anymore. There isn’t just one ‘winner’ in life. When you can see other peoples success and think ‘that’s awesome, I had no idea that was even possible!’ other people’s success becomes inspiration, not a negative reflection on your life’s progress.
Two: Dialectics….two opposite emotions can exist at the same time
It’s okay and normal to feel both happy for someone and envious of that at the same time. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. It’s time to turn off the judgement towards yourself.
Three: Comparison is futile
Think about the reality of your life compared to what someone might see when they look at your social media. Are they identical? Or did you not post about bursting into tears at work, or that recent health scare you had or the fight you had with your dad?
There is so much you don’t know about someone else’s situation. Try to keep that in mind. Other peoples lives are just as complex as our own.
Ask yourself: Are you cherry picking others lives? Are you taking the best bits of your friends successes and building them into a superhuman show reel and then comparing them to your behind the scenes footage?
Four: Helpfulness
For one moment, put aside whether it is true or not where you’re more or less successful/beautiful/ambitious/intelligent than you friend. Ask yourself a different question:
How helpful is it to compare? Observe how you feel when you let yourself spiral down in comparison ….. Does it lead you closer or further from the life you want?
Five: Reduce opportunity for comparison
Mute on instagram or unfollow on Facebook people who make you feel like crap.
Six: Stay in your lane and compare yourself only to your past self
What can you practically do to change circumstances you aren’t happy with?