Transitions

 Many speak of opportunities – when one door closes, another one opens. But rarely do we speak about the hallway. The transition, between the doors. The time in between where you were and where you are headed. Anonymous

 Transitions are that period where we change from one state to another. Both positive and negative events in our lives can trigger unexpected uncomfortable emotions.

Traditionally, changes are broken down into positive changes (weddings, promotions, moving homes, birthdays or special occasions like Christmas) and stressful changes (ill health, divorce or financial hardship). 

 We often focus on the external during times of transitions. Imagine for a moment a friend of yours comes to you and says they are getting a promotion or are pregnant. What would your first response be? ‘Congratulations! You must be so excited!’. Perhaps followed by questions about the new role at work or about the physical symptoms of pregnancy or the equipment they need to buy.

Rarely do we ask about the emotions that are triggered. About how a young mother and father are navigating the huge change in their identity on an emotional, financial, physical and social level. Or about how someone who is physically ill may emotionally be coming to terms with the loss of independence and the impact this has on their hopes and dreams. 

When we go through transitions we are in limbo – detached from our old life but not established in a new one. This can evoke a range of highly uncomfortable emotions. There may be hope and excitement. But there may also be emptiness, feeling of loss, anxiety, feeling out of control or numb. The third stage is where we accept and embrace the new identity.

How do we deal with these feelings?  Well, we don’t try to change the weather when it rains. We know that is futile. We just change our behaviour (put up an umbrella or stay inside) to accommodate the weather and know it will pass.

Instead of trying to frantically change your emotions to feel happy all the time, accept the emotions. Make room for them. Be honest and vulnerable when someone asks you how you are. Cry if you feel like it. This gives you more chance to heal than if you constantly fight or try to change your emotions (by drinking or overeating or another Netflix binge). The emotions will just come out in other ways (snapping at your partner or yelling at the moving company).

 To summarise, it is normal to experience a range of emotions when going through transitions. Next time a friend tells you about a change (whether positive or negative) instead of saying ‘you must be so excited’ or focusing on the external, say ‘that sounds like a big change’ and see what happens