How to Deal with Rejection
A fear of rejection is one of our most primal fears. Humans are social creatures, and throughout history we have needed the support of others (whether practical or emotional) to both survive and thrive. In evolutionary terms, we needed social approval in order to fit in and stay safe.
It is therefore understandable that many people fear rejection. This fear can be crippling, and often means you may miss out on living life how you want to. You may avoid amazing opportunities or excessively seek reassurance from others.
However, you do not need to live with this fear. Here are five strategies to help you overcome your fear of rejection:
1. Don’t Fight Your Feelings
There is no way round it; rejection can suck. It’s normal to feel disappointed, low or worried for the future if you have been rejected. However, those feelings will pass much more quickly if you accept them as a normal and realise our feelings are just communication tools. By getting upset or disappointed about a rejection, this just shows you that whatever you were seeking (e.g. a job; a partner) is very important to you. If you try to avoid these feelings by drinking, overeating, drugs or binge watching TV, the feelings will stick around for much longer.
2. It’s Not Personal
When you get rejected, it can feel so personal and so targeted. You put yourself out there, only to be cut down. This is when it is useful to take a wider look at things…Ask every person in your life whether they have ever been rejected. Have they been rejected from a job, a promotion or a course they wanted to do? Did a partner break up with up with them or were they ever turned down for a date? Did they ever try to rent or buy a property and missed out?
Realising that rejection is something that everyone experiences, but rarely talks about, can make you feel less alone. Perhaps there was a better candidate for that job you went for or that person you went on a date with really just didn’t feel a connection. Rejection doesn’t always mean something is wrong with you.
3. Worst Case Scenario
It’s important to realise our anxiety will make it seem like you will definitely be rejected. Secondly, anxiety will tell you that you won’t be able to cope if you are. But guess what? You will survive rejection. This is when it can be useful to think of other times you have missed out on opportunities and how you coped then.
4. Swap Worry for Problem Solving
If you have been rejected, it’s important to know the difference between what you can and cannot control about the situation. For instance, if you went for a job interview and you were told they didn’t hire you due to a lack of experience, that is something you can change (e.g. through internships or volunteering). If however they said you were a good candidate but someone else was better fit, know when to let go of that worry and move on. Do what you can to take on feedback, but after that it's a process of letting go and moving forward.
5. Seek Support
Now is the time to seek out support from people who care for you and support you. Lean on those people and when you are ready, it’s time to move forward and try again so that you can live the fulfilling and meaningful life you want to. After all, it’s not whether you get rejected that is important, it is whether you get back up and try again.